I need some meaning i can memorise
the kind i have always seems to slip my mind
but you but you,
write such pretty words
but life's no story book
love is an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt

"do you like to hurt?"
"I do I do"
"then hurt me"
"then hurt me"


hmmmmmm
just thinking about some things
and remembering songs
and words

and also i haven't heard this one before but i like it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8w4iTBPXn4

It's like Livejournal and stuff
and I is here ya know?


it's been ages but then mostly it's ALWAYS been ages

right now I have to do a shit load of tidying and job getting


so i shall try and come back

xx

ok so

I might go and get another tattoo in my lunchbreak, if there's time, money and willingness....

just under my right ankle.....

But I haven't chosen yet...

I said nothing
 
-Ted Hughes, Fever
"You were overloaded. I said nothing.
I said nothing. The stone man made soup.
The burning woman drank it."

Being in love is totally punk rock.

- Asofterworld.com
"I laugh along, but inside I know that it's true; being in love is totally punk rock"

*HAMMER*

-Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?

The Union Says No Miracles

-The Bespoke Overcoat


I am Jack's complete lack of surprise

I felt like destroying something beautiful

Someday I'd be dead without a scar

*edit* Even the Mona Lisa is falling apart.

-Chuck Palahniuk
Fight Club


Because sponges never have a bad day

-Chuck Palahnuik
Choke

I don't get why it takes so fucking long to clear money these days, I mean it's not like the dark ages.
Come on just give over the money stop stealing all my fucking interest and pay the people who need paying instantly. I only wish Scott could've lent me that money in cash, but even then it probably wouldn't have actually gone into my visa in time. Anyways so now despite paying more than the minimum payment they were asking for a tiny bit late, the balance of my account has gone up(it won't yet let me see the statement page that should tell me what's what), the amount I paid in doesn't even bring it below the limit. and what with th bank charges on my debit card I can't exactly stretch the little monies in their left very far at all
So considering I was lent £350 to clear things and stop people being angry it wasn't in time
And I can't exactly borrow much more...

At least they haven't send me angry post yet demanding i pay it all
an automated phonecall asking me to make a payment I've already made....

Good Morning Starshine

Now I have to hound Jobseekers and find out why this claim is taking so long, probably because they are lazy bums and haven't phoned me back

Well hopefully Marks and Spencers or Debenhams will give me a job on the spot

xxx

ok on seperate Scrubs characte things I got different results

there was elliot, and someone else.....
but best of allll......


 

i guess i really got bored...

eee my mum bought a bear suit for Tor and I was awoken by a little snuggly bear this morning
swimming and family fun and such has been lovely
shame the bank had to go and charge me monies

in total, since the end of august I have paid £160 worth of bank charges...only £75 of that was daily excess...
I think this is highly unreasonable.  it also now means that the £50 I had been planning for to buy train tickets to see lovelies and patrick wolf and such is diminished down to a measily £15 *mope*

but other than such let downs things are looking up
(if you forget that I still don't have a job)

sparkles

x

tidy tidy. tidy tidy.
some said it could never be done
some never even dared imagine it
but it's happening (AGAIN)

If it does become messy quick sharp there is rhyme and reason behind it
and generally a certain preciseness (yes actually)

Feeling incredibly dull.
And still very irritable
Still haven't worked out what's got me so frustrated

Trial shift at Juice Moose was alright, but I think my suspicions of claustrophobia were largely correct, and am unsure now whether getting to know the staff would reduce the feeling or worsen it.

Still waiting to hear from H&M, but going into Topshop on thursday anyhow so fingers crossed

If I can wrangle it I'm gonna keep myself free from 12-22nd.... Go to Cornwall, see Shychild and go to High Wycombe with Charlie Bear, and then from there possibly (if I get a place+can stay at a friends...) Stewarding for the Bloomsbury Festival....which is a paid stewarding job for a change

THAT IS IF THE WORLD DOES IN ACTUAL FACT LOVE ME

##before you're reading your list of vices

Tagged by richsc

A. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
B. Tag seven people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it."


1.I tend to be distracted or terribly excited about small(/fairly mundane) things...like buttons and broken crap that i find, and yes even the dullest of board games at 5am could thrill me

2.If it's possible I often seem to walk a circular route, or simply round in circles

3.I've always set myself challenges when travelling...like counting the lines in the middle of roads or how many lamp posts, the route with the least roads to cross etc.

4.I hate not having any element of control in a situation

5.I find people claustrophobic. (but to be alone I have to know that if I chose to I could have company)

6.If I get stuck on a word I can't help but repeat it again and again, yet I'm terrified of OCD

7.I laugh when I cry because I find myself ridiculous (apart from panic attacks then i just can't breathe...)



lady_fuschiawrathchild_89salaroobloggerfrog erm not actually sure who else reads this filth

talking heads- (nothing but)flowers

Here we stand
Like an Adam and an Eve
Waterfalls
The Garden of Eden
Two fools in love
So beautiful and strong
The birds in the trees
Are smiling upon them
From the age of the dinosaurs
Cars have run on gasoline
Where, where have they gone?
Now, it's nothing but flowers

There was a factory
Now there are mountains and rivers
you got it, you got it

We caught a rattlesnake
Now we got something for dinner
we got it, we got it

There was a shopping mall
Now it's all covered with flowers
you've got it, you've got it

If this is paradise
I wish I had a lawnmower
you've got it, you've got it

Years ago
I was an angry young man
I'd pretend
That I was a billboard
Standing tall
By the side of the road
I fell in love
With a beautiful highway
This used to be real estate
Now it's only fields and trees
Where, where is the town
Now, it's nothing but flowers
The highways and cars
Were sacrificed for agriculture
I thought that we'd start over
But I guess I was wrong

Once there were parking lots
Now it's a peaceful oasis
you got it, you got it

This was a Pizza Hut
Now it's all covered with daisies
you got it, you got it

I miss the honky tonks,
Dairy Queens, and 7-Elevens
you got it, you got it

And as things fell apart
Nobody paid much attention
you got it, you got it

I dream of cherry pies,
Candy bars, and chocolate chip cookies
you got it, you got it

We used to microwave
Now we just eat nuts and berries
you got it, you got it

This was a discount store,
Now it's turned into a cornfield
you got it, you got it

Don't leave me stranded here
I can't get used to this lifestyle

hello hello
my last real day in spain, and it´s just me and my mother again
after a lazy morning of watching the old grey whistle test dvds we came down to the beach for a swim
and there was thunderstormness and we swam anyway and it was great fun
teehee
so lots of swimming
a fair bit of sun [sunburn too]
and lotsa film watching with carey

the transporter is entertaining...the second one not so
this is england is really fantastic


erm i have also been eating a profound amount for me, so i shall get home and want to eat all the time for a short while...so be warned bec

and everything is so friggin´salty!!
and far too much coca-cola *shudder*

lots of amazing clothes here...feel very inspired...just need to learn how to actually make the things

awesome top i made from pyjamas
and some sexy new dungareeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees


i´m very much looking forward to coming home to my absolute absence of money
t´will be marvelous!!

love and sandy feet

lots of things have been happening in my general vacinity

it has been quite lovely
although my lip's throbbing a ittle

*blinks*

so tired


Valerian is a beautiful beautiful sedative

leaving house at 3am for spain.....

apparently I'll be getting rain!

see all you losers later!!


if anyone wants a postcard you'll need to message me with addresses or something
(bearing in mind i hate writing postcards) and i may send some to the worthiest of causes

So! since my last entry I'm not sure I've had a regular night's sleep once

slept nearly all of yesterday but then I went to see Scott, and us and Kat and Charlie drove to dorchester and bought soup and strawberry milkshake materials (lactofree!) and magnets and then drove to Weymouth where we had to get into a stupidly narrow beach carpark and pay despite it being 1 in the morning...and I managed to not go crazy and jump in the sea

and there we stayed until going home.... bed time=5.30am

gin in excess is probably a mistake
so is tequila chugged
films are glorious
Broken Kong for the win
friends are lovely
humourous 16yr old boys throwing up aren't always hideous
sometimes they tell you about the girlfriend they're dumping the next day
telling him to say it's because she has more facial hair is a good thing to do
articulate is a good game for drunken crowds
Shouting COCK throughout such games is also amusing

zombies are funny
the cavern would be nice tonight but i think people are scarce
the cavern tomorrow will be awesome
as will picnics at knightshayes
yawning is satisfying
I'm going to be in spain soon
friends are all starting to leave

blah blah blah

www.asofterworld.com

I've been reading through all my old journal entries...well not all of them yet that'd take a while.

this made me sad

Do you Sing:only on my own or with a few special people

so I've decided to take the quiz again...


( Read more... )

so Bex drew out the final design...AND paid for it (she owed me money like always) fuckin' yeah mate!!



love and squeaks!!

At last the British summer and the festival spirit combines, exposing a mass collective unwashed and tanned for a week of detox and retox.
  As always a healthy balance is kept between glorious purifying foods, spiritual cleansing and copious availability of drugs.
  The week really put me back on track, and I am now feeling quite wonderful.  Aspects of my power animal the bear were also highlighted.  I'd always known of bears as solitary creatures which I found a little funny as my tendency to crumble if I'm alone too long.  This week reminded me of how I used to just bimble around on my own all the time and my first glastonbury, where I spent the entire time just me myself and I, and was left feeling so empowered and in control...then getting back to school and getting shot down for wandering off.  It felt so good to break away, to make new friends by myself rather than as a group.  In the last few years this need has been really evident but not successfully realised.  Moving to Exeter for college really should have been so glorious and wonderful but I didn't feel I had any strength and I certainly didn't have my confidence in the right places.  So anyway I came to realise a lot of this while I was at the Big Green Gathering and I met new people who there is no way it could be coincidence that we met.... Number 1- Bear, a security guard who is shaman and a druid....he was such a sound guy...when I told him I was a bear also he thought it was really cool "IT's funny how us bears go about alone yet always manage to find each other" blah blah blah and stuff.  I liked that.

And then that same day I sat down about a campfire to toast marshmallows (all the other fires were inappropriate for this) and there was a guy who I'd met briefly on the way to work that morning...something about a stranger grabbing his crotch... and also a guy called Jon...who it turned out was also stewarding, and planning on seeing martha tilston etc... so that all felt quite bizarre.  Lucy and Helen went back to the tent and left me with my new friend gabbing about "fucking bollox mate" and I didn't feel alone and lonely.

I also bought a really big bear, not like a giant teddy bear kinda bear but like an actual bear that's fluffy... he's the most animate inanimate object and is so definitely the best ever.  His name is Iorek Niveus Luna.

I stayed with my sister and co the last night and got given free breakfast tokens for the Buddhafields Cafe thing. then went back to meet Lucy and Helen in between there shifts of litter picking, and left somethng like 4hours early for my next shift.  I sat eating free food and reading a book in the sun....then along comes Jon and we gab about more bollox, before I persuade him to rearrange his shift to the same as mine! and we met two more lovelies and had the most wonderful shift. jumping about and playing with walkie talkies. warming ourselves about the fire and having Daisy our love wench brng us whatever  we wished for.
Then we went to join the crew party at 1am only to find it quite dire indeed.  Then on our way to get cake we were informed of fabulous still happening in the performers bar.  So there we headed and found a safe haven of music and joy and eventually stopped shivering when a duvet was found.  After much drumming and strumming and humming and singing it was 4.30 and sleep was falling fast.  Falling asleep to wonderful acoustic jamming hasn't happened to me in such a long time but it felt so good and I had the most wonderful nights sleep!! 

 Simon and Scott need to come home and we all need to go camping and do all that shizz cause it's so lovely.

Wow this has got a little epic!

I also had a sauna and it was fucking yeah mate, drum 'n' bass fuckin yeah yeah mate

I returned home to an excitable fuschia and we've had the most wonderful times since, having a quiet glass of wine, jumping and snuggling in the morning,watching some films going to the beach going to the cavern (oh it's been so long!)watching more things and falling asleep... I think she's going to come to Shambala with me which'll be lovely.  She can meet daisy who is a wee darling!

I've been thinking on my collection of bears....

Rob -- Robear
Rebecka -- Spectacled Bear  remarctos ornatus
Sam -- Cinnamon Bear  Ursus americanus cinnamomum
Lucy -- Sun Bear  Helarctos malayanus
Kyam -- Kodiak Bear  Ursus arctos middendorffi
Abbey -- Kermode Bear  Ursus americanus kermodie

And jon--- I think he may possibly be a Syrian (Brown) Bear Ursus arctos syriacus but that decisions still out

So me and kyam have come to the conclusion that since we met on jolly feb 14th 2004 that 2004 was the least troublesome year we've had so far.  This is a shame... 2005 should've been remarkable...with glastonbury, winning tickets to reading etc...but still managed to take a nose dive into the abyss somewhere en route to ecstasy.

the weekend was very good though, even if it was lacking in drunken disney viewing(or even singing).  I still favour drinking with Kyam to most...

I still stand by my belief that plunging/ running/ leaping into the ocean is by far the most releasing action I have ever taken....that and walking/running through thunder storms.

shame it wasn't post intoxication.... that would have helped

Am off to the big green gathering tomorrow.  That should be a nice change of scenery, plus I'm stewarding so should be busy a fair amount of time.  My sister lucie and co will all be there, and also Lucy and Helen...so lots of pleasant useful company

The crazy black eye my eyebrow piercing gave me is going down now so I look less thug like, even though my severe hair cut is gonna turn into a mullet soon...very much struggling between the need to do something irrational and bleach orientated, and the burning desire to have my actual hair back at a lovely girly length that is more effective to mess up and be nice and hide behind and such.  Either way I still have about an inch in some places of previously bleached to hack off..don't worry I'm in no hurry just yet

erm far too many things on my mind... I like the arcade fire track-Cars and telephones...it is good

Things are still fluctuating between intense feelings and numbness

Just give me the sea


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So every thing is very up and down... but aren't they always

today I made a happy day occur and it was brilliant.
I met up wih Kat and after failing to try on her wedding dress (it's actually there in the shop now) we pottered around elsewhere... I got several Calvin and hobbes books from oxfam whoop
and we looked at things...all day

but but but the most exciting thing that still makes me jump about heheh is
yep awesome!
 oh and I look funny


anyway that's all for now

xxxx

hello thar!!

yep

yup indeed

in shrek they go to a highschool and it's like so totally awesome

you sucketh!!

ha!

oh my I am an interesting soul

I have spent the last few days- that's friday through to sunday- doing for the most part nothing
I did see scott though and that was supremely delightful

but I've done a lot of flailing about and whingeing to myself, and moping.
All I want right now is to be curled up next to robs, and it just isn't going to happen which is miserable.




I promise I am actually still sparkly despite it all
it'll take more than whatever to bury me yet



all my love and treacle


xxxxxxxxxxxx